A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab,

then the driver said:"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would
scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver
- I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.
When the dog is about to bite the woman, the
man intervenes and kicks the dog.

A reporter was seeing all this.
He said "That was great. I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.
Tomorrow the headline will be
'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'."
The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here.
I am from US". Reporter " OK. Then the headline will be
US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG".
Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen.
I'm a = Pakistani national".
Next day, the headline in the paper read
.... .... .... .... .... ....
TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG.

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?"

Monkey : "Tying their seat belts"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Saying Hello! and Morning Wishes!"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Checking the Flight system"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Looking all these events"

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,

which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful

in BED."

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor

examines

him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local

night club? This morning I got home to my apartment

early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I

knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony

door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did

not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I

saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I