When Laloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp with his picture on it. He asked Rabri,stressing that it should be world class. The stamps were released,and Lalloo was pleased. But within a couple of days, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly,and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter. Rabri checked out at several post offices, and then reported to Lalloo Prasad: She said: "The stamp is really
world class. The  problem is, our Biharis are spitting on the wrong side."

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

   So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.

   On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

   The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

   The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

   The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

   Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
   cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

   He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

   She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

   "O.K., thank you," said the American.

   He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.

   In every church he saw the same golden telephone
   with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
   The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

   He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

   The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.  "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

   Why is it so cheap here?"

   The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".

 Indians are honest people. A bookie calls Hansie Cronje before the

 match between India and SouthAfrica.

 Cell phone rings. Hansie picks up.

 Cronje : hello

 Bookie : I am ....... Here.

 Cronje : yes tell me

 Bookie : how is the pitch

 Cronje : ya dry and good for batting

 Bookie : I want u to loose today's match

 Cronje : impossible

 Bookie : I will pay u $200,000

 Cronje : will be difficult to make India win.

 Bookie : I will pay u $250,000

 Cronje : May be I could help you by reducing the margin... u tell by

 what margin we should win... will be much more easier

 Bookie : no India should win

 Cronje : OK. I will try my best

 Bookie : no make it.

 Cronje : OK.

 Bookie : what will be the score

 Cronje : 300, if we bat first

 Bookie : no make it 220

 Cronje : Impossible. Agarkar and Joshi are playing.

 Bookie : 220 no change.

 Cronje : I will try

 Bookie : OK. I f India bat first

 Cronje : 180

 Bookie : no make it 275

 Cronje : no u are asking too much. Dravid is playing.

 Bookie : OK make it $300,000

 Cronje : This would be the toughest match in my life

 Bookie : OK, deal is made.

 Cronje : yes

 Bookie : bye.

 Match starts India bats first. India score only 220 in 50 overs.

 During the lunch break Hansie's cell rings.

 Cronje : hello

 Bookie : its me. why did India score only 220. Our deal was 275.

 Cronje : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three,

 defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all

 catches and shots... I mean, if there is any... exactly directed

 to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Indians are too good

 at this, I tried re-arranging the field...but they never miss a fielder.

 Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 63 extras.

 Cronje : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Kirsten and

 Gibbs bowl.

 Bookie : Okay... leave that... I want u to loose the match.

 Cronje : I will try.

 Bookie : South Africa should be all out for 180

 Cronje : OK.

 Bookie : bye.

 S. Africa bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball

 and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They

 try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can't stop

 themselves from running. All South African batsmen

 charged down to Joshi's bowling and they purposely miss the ball

 hoping at least one would hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as Dighe is

 still searching for the ball. Inspite of the bad display of batting,

 they score 218 of 49 overs. Last over, 3 runs

 required, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over. Hansie is

 batting with Strydom. Bookie gets really furious.

 Hansie is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).

 Cronje : hello

 Bookie : its me! . What are you upto ?

 Cronje : We tried the best we could

 Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match

 Cronje : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling

 Bookie : I don't know... u are loosing

 Agarkar bowls... Hansie tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the

 ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.

 (cell rings)

 Cronje : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball

 comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will

 find out.

 Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don't

 take last two runs.

 Hansie talks to strydom. Agarkar bowls... a juicy full toss. Strydom

 uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores

 are level.

 (cell rings)

 Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don't know

 what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u'r bat to

 the umpire.

 Cronje : OK. OK. Don't worry this time I will! see to it we are not

 taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single.

 Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. South Africa wins the match.

 Bookie goes mad and Hansie faints in the field itself.

 Moral - With a team like ours, who needs to fix a match

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added
late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been
$0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to
Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." 

 Supervisor gets on the phone:Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you,
she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still
apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could
just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." ( What is
wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was occupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son

the top most berth in the train compartment.