A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.
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Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
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A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. |
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He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don?t worry. You?ll never have to go to jail with all that money.? And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn?t have a dime. |
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