Why Computers Must be Female Why Computers Must be Male Why Compilers Must be Female
1. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
4. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
5. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
6. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
1. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
4. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
5. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
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PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defunct Operating System
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too
WWW
World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash. If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
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Owing to the increasing number of prayers and requests to GOD...HE has started a new call centre... called HEAVENLY PARADISE.. magine what would happen if GOD installed Voice Mail in Heaven When you pray, you'd get this response:
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The bartender asks his customer, "What"ll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please."
The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That"ll be five dollars." To which the customer replies, "What are you talking about? I don"t owe you anything for this." |
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The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am
about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for
forgiveness.
In a trial all the witnesses were women. All women appeared in court, each started to shout on top of their voices, accusing
each other of the trouble. Looking at the gravity of the situation, the judge called for "I'll hear the oldest first".
Subsequently, the case was closed coz "ALL WITNESSES TURNED HOSTILE AS NO ONE TESTIFIED"
A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well,
son, you must have gotten it from your mother,
because I still have mine."
Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time
thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem
with his Father."
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