Short Doctor Jokes

Q: Why did the nurse have a long pole and two rubber gloves?       A: Her way of not getting pregnant.       Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?       A: If you aim it well enough.       Receptionist: 'Dr. Wynazonski is waiting for you.'       Patient: 'Which doctor?'       Receptionist: 'Oh, no, he's fully qualified.'       Student doctor: 'Please sir, there's some writing on this patient's foot.'       Famous surgeon: 'Ah, yes! That's a footnote.'       Patient: 'Doctor, how can I live to be a hundred?'       Doctor: 'Well, I suggest you give up eating rich food and going out with women.'       Patient: 'And then will I live to be a hundred?'       Doctor: 'No - but it will seem like it.' Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?'       Doctor: 'What about a cardboard box?'       Patient: 'Doctor, have you got anything for my liver?'       Doctor: 'What about some onions?'       Patient: 'Doctor, sorry to trouble you again, but what can you give me for flat feet?'       Doctor: 'What about a bicycle pump?'       Receptionist: 'The doctor is so funny he'll soon have you in stitches.'       Patient: 'I hope not - I only came in for a check up.'       Worried woman: 'Doctor, I think I'm pregnant.'       Doctor: 'But I gave you the Pill.'       Worried woman: 'Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.'       'Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed a spoon.'       'Sit down and don't stir.'       'Doctor, doctor! I'm terribly worried. I keep seeing pink striped crocodiles every time I try to get to sleep.'       'Have you seen a psychiatrist?'       'No - only pink striped crocodiles.'       Patient: 'And if I take these little green pills exactly as you suggested, will I get better?'       Doctor: 'Well, let's put it this way - none of my patients has ever come back for more of those pills.'       Patient: 'I've got a terrible pain in my right arm, doctor.'       Doctor: 'Don't worry, it's just old age.'       Patient: 'But in that case, why doesn't my left arm hurt, too - I've had it just as long?'       The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep.       Doctor: 'Oh! Don't you sleep at night?'       Civil servant: 'Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too - but I find it's very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.'       Patient: 'And when my right arm is quite better, will I be able to play the trumpet?'       Doctor: 'Most certainly - you should be able to play it with ease.       Patient: 'That's wonderful - I could never play it before.' ______

 

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