A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment,then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is an hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But,one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek,and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."

"Exactly"... Said the Doc.

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had

never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission into it.What happened is - due to cricket world cup I

scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (Iprefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not

invest so much of money". (The baap actually said - "I will never

waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college.

Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most

be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya he he he...

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete

your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But

you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis

tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in

2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2   7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I

will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These

cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban

it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be

banned.

Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never

thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year,

she was looking for a job for me in BEST(Bus corporation in

Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'

education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms

have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my

current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my

platform then. As you can see I have experience of different

platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet

in German, French, Russian and many other languages he he he...

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a

higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with

a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the

times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to

think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word

and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International

phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know

few words like - 'Showstoppers', 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality',

'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also

I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it

should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects

natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like

to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wednesday off

also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short

term

(preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I

prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that

there is a world cup in West ! Indies in 2007,I don't mind going

there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have

many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.

Wife and Husband are like two tyres of a vehicle.

If any one punctures vehicle cannot move further.

So intelligent men always carry a stepney with them.

Dear God,I beg you to.....

Give me the wisdom to understand my boss.

Give me the love to forgive him.

Give me the patience to understand his actions.

But dear God, don't present me strength.

Because if you give me strength.... I will break his skull!!