Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had

never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission into it.What happened is - due to cricket world cup I

scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (Iprefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not

invest so much of money". (The baap actually said - "I will never

waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college.

Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most

be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya he he he...

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete

your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But

you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis

tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in

2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2   7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I

will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These

cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban

it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be

banned.

Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never

thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year,

she was looking for a job for me in BEST(Bus corporation in

Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'

education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms

have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my

current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my

platform then. As you can see I have experience of different

platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet

in German, French, Russian and many other languages he he he...

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a

higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with

a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the

times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to

think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word

and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International

phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know

few words like - 'Showstoppers', 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality',

'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also

I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it

should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects

natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like

to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wednesday off

also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short

term

(preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I

prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that

there is a world cup in West ! Indies in 2007,I don't mind going

there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have

many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.

Wife and Husband are like two tyres of a vehicle.

If any one punctures vehicle cannot move further.

So intelligent men always carry a stepney with them.

Dear God,I beg you to.....

Give me the wisdom to understand my boss.

Give me the love to forgive him.

Give me the patience to understand his actions.

But dear God, don't present me strength.

Because if you give me strength.... I will break his skull!!

Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.Be prepared for my mood.

2: I'm not really out of the office.I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.If I was in,chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that,I may be promoted to management.

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18.Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email.Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The email server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message.Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return,you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.Please wait by your PC for my response.

11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

12: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :

13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

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