An Old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his

grandson to his bedside. "Grandson, I wanna you

listen to me. I wanna you to take my chrome

plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your

Rolex watch instead?"

"You listen me. Some day you gonna be run da

business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lots of

money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos.

"Some day you gonna come home and maybe find you

wife in a bed with another man. "What you gonna do

then... point to your watch and say, Times Up?"

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired with the mobile communication
and decided to use the conventional method of communication.
That is to use pigeons to send messages. One day Santa sends his pigeon.
When the pigeon reached Banta, it was with out any message.

Angrily, Banta picks up his mobile and calls and asks Santa "what is this - a joke?
The pigeon is without any message."
Guess what Santa said???

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Donkey, that was a missed call!

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express

my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many

people, such great bldgs...

I would like to ensure that we had nothing in

connection with that........

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to

explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is

how he went about it...

" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked

him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and

she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to

some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like,

something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife

and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out

together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...

they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram,

kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his

babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and

also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So

anyways,you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of

monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just

go along with me, ok... ..

so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own

hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and

anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like

that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people

realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they

thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and

they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't

take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and

shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...

so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...

Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks...

and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that

was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the

4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so

dude, that was how, like, this festival started."