Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you are a referee.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.

True friends stab you in the front.

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

My wife and I always compromise.I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess! But there was a problem
Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal,
wood, plastic- anything she touched would melt. Because of this,
men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter. He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt
in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he
held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that
would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three
young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard
alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond,
thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and surely,
it would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too
was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as
she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it
in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the
kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess
and they both lived happily ever after.
But The Question Is : What was the object in the prince's pocket ? 

They were Britannia Little Hearts of course! They melt in your mouth,
not in your hand. HAHAHA HA HE HE

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend cool ..........

1.You can stare at any Girl.......

2.You don't have to spend money on her.

3.You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4.No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5.If u don't have a girlfriend ,she can't dump u.

6.Having a girlfriend is hot,not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7.This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.

8.You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.

9.girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.

10.You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11.You won't have to waste paper writing love letters No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop\place.

12.You can have more boy friends(Friends who r Boys) , as u will have more time for them.

13.You wont have to see boring love stories instead of action thrillers.

14.You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.

15.You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

16.You wont have to fight over having a 'special'friend with ur folks.

17.No nonstop nonsense.

18.You wont have drown in the pool of her tears!!!.

19.No tension.

20.You can be " URSELF "

21.You wont have to hide the telephone bills.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab,

then the driver said:"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would
scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver
- I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."