TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,

which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful

in BED."

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor

examines

him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local

night club? This morning I got home to my apartment

early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I

knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony

door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did

not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I

saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the

captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have

lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the

ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but

were

somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an

emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that

all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the

swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all

the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's

request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The

captain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the

swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and

quickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For

Flying Lufthansa- ".

To make a woman happy ..... A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone